Hey, Why Don't We Do That?!

i recieved an email today from a parent. he was (understandably) concerned about his grade, but unlike most parents, there was a very specific reason for panic. they were moving to japan next month. why is this cause for panic? this is what i learned today:

apparently, the japanese high school system is very strict on entrance requirements. you can't just enter a public school, like you do here. (in fact, we are required to take any child of a particular age, regardless of background or legal status.) in japan, you have to take a test that is similar to the SAT or ACT, but that's not all. you also have to successfully complete an interview, present recommendations, and show all grades from previous schools and grades. unlike here, ALL of it counts towards your admission to a decent high school. and you want to make sure you get into a good high school, because going to a low level high school excludes entry into a japanese college or university. what it all boils down to is this: everything you do in school is important and carries a consequence.

wow, what a concept. and while i'm not opposed to public education, it would be nice for students to actually have to work hard to attain goals. they do in my classroom, but not everywhere else, especially in grade and middle schools where students often get passed on even though they really shouldn't be. this way, they would start understanding from elementary school that academic choices affect you.

of course, then we wouldn't have anyone to work at the fast-food chains...

Please Just Take a Nap!

ok, i'm finally at that point. normally, i don't allow students to sleep in my class, for obvious reasons. i even have a spray bottle used to wake up sleepy kids. (fun for everyone except the victim...) but at this point - a week from final exams - it's more effort than it's worth. the kids that can't be bothered officially gave up a few weeks ago; why bother trying anymore when it's too late to bring up your grade? so they do nothing but disrupt class and command the attention of those around them. lately they've started sleeping while we read Fahrenheit 451, and i've started letting them. i really hate admitting that, but sadly, it's the best solution for all involved. they don't have to find something to entertain themselves since they refuse to do work, the kids around them aren't distracted, and i don't have to deal with the outcome of both. it makes me feel a little ineffective, but you can't force a student to learn, especially in the last weeks of the year. if they set their minds against it, that's it. i can entice most of them, and what i need to remember is that about 85% of them make the effort and enjoy what they're doing. for the other 15%, well, if you can't get away with skipping school, at least catch a nap; that way i can teach the others without you interupting...

Oh, the 5th Period Quotes, They Keep A-Comin'

"there's nothing more fun than a foam finger. seriously, these things are genius!"

"wonder if disney people would have a heart attack if i walked into disney world and started pointing at people. would they freak out and be like, 'no! you're not pointing right!'?"

"ooh! look! i can open the cabinet with the foam finger!"

From 5th...

me: ok, today we'll be reading pages 63 to 39 -

student 1: 39?

me: oops, just kidding. 93. apparently i'm dyslexic today.

student 2: hey, me too!

me: it must be catching.

student 2: ooh, i'll be careful where i sneeze, then.

Quote of the Day

from 5th period. clearly.

"the first day that i walked into my 2nd period class, they said i looked like an underwear model. so i don't talk in that class - it's all akward now."

Well, At Least It Wasn't My Kid This Time...

i needed water, but i only had fifty cents. i set off to see if brehm (a fellow teacher in the opposite horseshoe) had two quarters i could borrow. she did not, so i questioned a neighboring teacher. as she was digging for change, we heard a loud commotion. "a fight?" she wondered. we sprang out into the hallway, only to find brehm outside her classroom - loud noises emanating from inside.

"there's a cockroach," she explained, "and they're trying to get a kid to eat it."

of course there is, and of course they are. i walked into her classroom to see aforementioned student throw something in his mouth and swallow. "AAAAAAUGH!!!" "oh, GROSS!" "i'm going to throw up!" several students rushed past me in an effort to run to the bathroom.

yep, that's right. he ate a cockroach. i came back after making copies to see if he had gone to the nurse. he assured me that after getting a drink of water, he was fine. "and how much did you make?" brehm asked. "six dollars," he replied proudly. yes, you read that correctly; not only did he eat a cockroach, he did it for six dollars.

brehm asked him if he had seen the little white flags posted in our grassy areas. another student informed him that it was a pesticide warning because they sprayed around campus. "which means," i added, since he didn't seem to be getting it, "that the cockroach may have had pesticides on or in it. it does take them a while to die." "hmmmm," the student mused. "well, if i feel icky later on, i'll go to the nurse."

i'm so glad that this is our future....

Talent in the Classroom

we're doing a unit on poetry cleverly disguised as a survey of song lyrics. (hey, whatever i can do to trick them into learning and liking it...) one of my students (a super-senior who has learned from past mistakes by trying to guide my freshman away from what he did a few years ago) writes his own rap lyrics and records his own hip hop songs. i let him hook up his ipod to my speaker dock and we listened to some of his songs. the kid has talent. i don't even like hip hop that much, but he's got a great sense of musicality and a good ear for what works. more importantly (at least in my opinion), is the fact that he writes clever and meaningful lyrics. i love that the other students have seen (and heard) what he's done and feel like they can do it too. they're inspired to try a little harder on their lyrics, and are even inspired to try to record some of their stuff (with some help from the aforementioned student).

i love seeing the light bulb go off when they realize something's within their reach - especially if they used to think otherwise.

Non-Traditional Valentine's Cards - Straight from Room 7-246

that was their assignment today: create four to five non-traditional v-day cards. this is what i got.... and these are just a few... (it's lengthy, i know, but it's funny!)


front: you're my friend... inside: ...just not when other people are around

front: i love you! inside: almost as much as i love her

front: why should you wear boots on valentines day? inside: uggs and kisses!

front: if i had a nickle for everytime i said i love you.... inside: ...i'd be broke, since i don't

front: rose are red, violets are blue... inside: ...i like guys, but not ones like you. happy vd!

front: you were there when i was sick, when i got hit by a car, when i was in the hospital; you were there when i lost my mom... inside: damn, you're bad luck!

front: it's great that i'm not single and all inside: but i still don't love you

front: your eyes fill me with wonderment; your heart fills me with love and joy inside: that's why i didn't notice that i parked on your cat... sorry!

front: nothing says "i love you" like fattening you with hoards of chocolate

front: kiss me! inside: ...well, after you eat a breath mint

front: you know, you broke my heart inside: good thing your sister was around to cheer me up

front: you had me at hello inside: i left you at goodbye

front: all i really want for valentine's day is you! inside: well, not really, but i'll say whatever it takes to score expensive jewlery

front: you're a brick (da na na na na) house inside: well, at least you're as big as one

front: this valentine's day, i need to tell you my feelings inside: you're not what i want. it's over

front: roses are red, violets are blue, there's someone special in the world... inside: and it's not you

front: BIG THINGS! inside: your feet, my waist, your heart, our love!

front: i think you're pretty inside: but your money's gorgeous!

front: you give me butterflies inside: and they usually make me puke

front: shut up! inside: my mom says i'm beautiful!

front: if the sky was the limit... inside: i'd let you hold on to the balloon...

front: i love you but you smell. haha.... inside: haha i bet you think i'm joking... haha... no seriously - take a bath

front: i get the same thing every valentine's day... teddy bears, flowers, candy... inside: this year, just give me money!

front: even when we argue, i still want to inside: to shup up and keep your mouth closed

front: violets are blue, roses are red... inside: you broke my heart so i wish you were dead

front: will you be my boyfriend? inside: i really need to get back at my ex

front: i know you hate valentines day but... inside: i know it's just becuase you're single. don't feel bad - anyone would be lucky to have you. not me, however...


i spent a chunk of my day giggling....

How Many Freshmen Does It Take To Open a Door?

i keep my classroom door shut and locked. it keeps out noise (or keeps it in, depending on the day), and deters people from walking in and disrupting my class. the only side effect from it is that when a student uses the bathroom, someone has to get up to let them in. usually this is no big deal, but sometimes the kids are in the middle of doing something and don't want to get up.

enter a student from my fifth period class (of course). she sits nearest to the door (desks are arranged in a horseshoe shape) and always tries to lean over to the right to open the door, but she just can't reach. yesterday, she said, "you know, if i just had, like, a stick or something i could reach and no one would have to get up." this made sense, so i offered her one of the dowel rods we used as swords in romeo and juliet. unfortunately, it was not strong enough and threatened to break. "i need something thicker."

"what if we put two together? like, taped it or something?" this was from a student on the other side of the room. so we tried it. using masking tape, i bound together two dowels. she tried again. this time it was strong enough, but the dowels slid off before the door was fully opened. "rats."

"ooh, ooh!" exclaimed the student next to her, "go under the handle!" "under it? that won't work." "no, go over the handle, but under the thingie where it goes into the door."

success! this gave enough leverage so that she could open the door from her seat. through a few easy trial and errors, the kids worked out the system of pulling the door open only an inch, letting the stick be pulled back, and then opening the door fully. they really cracked me up with their teamwork to figure out how to fix it.

see? i'm all about practical applications and problem solving.

Oh, the Conversations That Happen in My Room...

bellwork: congratulations! you are now an immortal god or goddess. what are you the god/dess of? what are your powers? How do you use them?

student 1: i would be the god of karma because i -

student 2: wait, what? you'd be the god of caramel?

student 3: caramel? what kind of powers would you have? you stick to people?

student 1: karma! KARMA! you know, "what you do comes ba-"

student 2: OH! sorry, miss g, i'm SO hungry right now...

student 3: ooh, like a caramel chocolate bar would be so good -

student 1: KARMA!!! not caramel, KARMA!

and of course that was fifth period again....